


Wait For Me To Come Home

by Shamandalie



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 03:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2009973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shamandalie/pseuds/Shamandalie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'But even though he is in the house he owns, he isn't really home.'<br/>Or: Philipp is sure he isn't who he is. He's also constantly terrified that he'll stop being so sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait For Me To Come Home

He doesn't know that in this moment, but he'll remember the day when he met Bastian Schweinsteiger with intense clarity. For now, he is fourteen and angry. Today even angrier than usual, angrier than most of fourteen year olds, and all because he is small and nothing is going well during practice and now, this new signing for Bayern's youth team is knocking him down on the grass probably because he didn't even notice him-

"Oh, sorry,"

The boy smiles and gives him a hand while he's trying to calm himself down, because shouting at new boys isn't a right behaviour and he isn't like that-

"Everything's fine?"

He notices that he was ignoring boy's hand all this time, so his cheeks flush in pink. He takes the hand fast and few seconds later he's standing in front of the boy who's obviously taller than him.

"Yeah, fine."

Boy smiles at him.

"I'm Bastian, by the way."

"Philipp Lahm."

His hand is hanging in the air for few long seconds until Bastian shots him a weird look and finally shakes it.

"Nice to meet you."

After that Philipp decides that he'll try to avoid Bastian, because he made a total jerk of himself.

~

Avoiding Bastian is obviously a tough job considering that boy is smiling at him constantly. He also always says hi. And he tries to be generally nice. Philipp doesn't know since when knocking someone out means that you're best friends, but.

He's nice to Bastian though. Because it's how you should treat your team mates.

Not that he likes him or something.

~

One year later they are sitting together on empty field eating illegal chocolate which Bastian has stolen from his kitchen.

"My mom always says that chocolate isn't good for acne." says Philipp.

Bastian huffs.

"You're not fun at all, Lahm. And nothing's gonna make it worse, you know," Bastian points at his face. "Something so bizarre can't get worse".

Philipp looks at him with very serious face.

"I think you look good, Basti."

Bastian just laughs.

~

He could agree with people saying that Bastian doesn't have the best influence on him.

They are drinking and they shouldn't. He knows they shouldn't and winning Bundesliga youth title doesn't justify their behaviour.

"Oh, come on, Philipp," Bastian shouts to him through the music pumping through the walls and Philipp's veins. "Grab another beer! Dance with me! We're celebrating!"

Dance with me? Did he say that?

He feels dizzy from all the beer he drunk and isn't sure if he heard Bastian correctly. Nevertheless, his heart is still beating like a drum because Bastian could have said that..

Because Basti in this exact moment takes his hand, intertwines their fingers together and starts to move his hips and Philipp's mind is gone.

He shifts closer, lays his hands on Bastian's hips and inhales deeply his friend's smell (his father's cologne, grass, sweat and beer. No one ever smelled better.) and then Basti's hand is in Philipp's hair and second is cupping his cheek and their lips are touching and then they are kissing, openmouthed, sucking on each others lips and then Philipp is running.

He is running and he doesn't see anyone or anything. He doesn't hear Basti calling him somewhere behind him. He wants to run and never come back. He is disgusted in himself.

And he isn't gay.

~

"We were drunk." he says.

Bastian nods.

"We didn't want it to happen."

Another nod. And empty look which Philipp ignores.

"We are friends."

Nod and weak smile.

"We're not gay."

Huff.

"Maybe you aren't."

~

They are equally excited for first team.

"It is what dreams are made of, Fips!" Bastian shouts sometime during 2002.

"But can you imagine that you could be a professional ski racer by now? That'd be even cooler." he answers jokingly.

Bastian looks serious, but he smiles in corners of his mouth.

"Nothing compares to this, Lahm. Nothing."

"Even ski racing?"

"Even ski racing."

They are silent for a while.

"I know." Philipp says simply.

~

Loan to Stuttgart isn't what dreams are made of. But Philipp takes it professionally; he knows that he'll gain experience there and then he'll play for Bayern's first team.  
Bastian looks sad, but can't hide his excitement for next season in his red jersey.

"I'm going to miss you."

"I know, Schweini."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry. It's a cute nickname, though. Why don't you like it?"

Bastian pouts.

"Because no."

Philipp's heart aches and he ignores that. Again.

~

Stuttgart isn't bad. He works hard. During second year, he's constantly - or at least it seems like it - injured. But he's fine. Bastian doesn't miss him - he has always had a lot of friends, he isn't really special - and he doesn't really miss Bastian. They are fine. Best friends, not touchy feely or something. Just friends. Philipp accepts that. Nothing aches.

~

Only it does when World Cup in Germany comes. He missed almost whole year of football due to injuries and now this stupid elbow thing could eliminate him from World Cup in his own country.

But he plays. In German National Team. In Germany. In heat.

Whole country is in euphoria. And Bastian is in love.

And it's fine, really.

Well, Philipp is concerned about what would've happened if everyone knew that Schweinsteiger has an affair with Podolski. Nothing good, probably. So he can't leave it this way.

Bastian smiles at him. Recently Bastian smiles constantly, so it's not a big deal. Philipp is nervous and suddenly his whole vocabulary vanished.

"Bastian...Do you...do you really think that being so...obvious...with Lukas...is good for you?" he finally blurts out.

Bastian frowns.

"Obvious?" he asks.

Philipp nods quickly. He's embarrassed.

"You know, with that whole...romance thing."

Younger man raises his eyebrows.

"Romance?"

Well, now he is annoyed.

"Can you stop repeating? I worry about what press will say. What fans will do, if they see the truth. It won't be good, you know. You shouldn't be so obvious with him."

Frown doesn't vanish from Bastian's face.

"I believe that it shouldn't be your concern, Lahm."

After saying this, he gets up and shows Philipp the door.

"Basti..."

"I don't care about what you have to say. It's my life. I will do what I want to."

"I worry about you."

"Goodbye, Philipp."

His vision is blurry after the doors shout behind him. He doesn't know why until he touches his face. It's wet.

He hates himself.

And, more importantly, now Bastian hates him.

~

They're out. They won't win. They disappointed their nation. They disappointed themselves. He hates himself. Bastian hates him.

He sits in locker room and can't move. He doesn't want to move, because if he moves, he'll probably break into one million tiny pieces. Because he's a broken man.

And then someone sits next to him. And someone's arm is suddenly around his neck. Familiar scent fills his nose, and he tries really hard to stop himself from crying in Bastian's arms.

"I'm sorry." younger man whispers into his ear.

"For what?" Philipp's voice is rough, swollen with tears.

"For what I said before. I know you worry. And I know you're right. I just didn't want to think about consequences."

Philipp nods and leans into the hug. He closes his eyes and only thing that matters in that moment is Bastian's smell.

~

Philipp is really surprised when Bastian starts dating Sarah Brandner. He's even more surprised when Bastian announces that it's a serious thing. He doesn't really believe him. Until they move in together, that is. Then he believes.

And then he realises that he doesn't really like Sarah Brandner.

Why would Bastian like to date a giraffe?

~

After Euro 2008 final Philipp is not sure if he hates himself or Fernando Torres more. In the end he comes to conclusion that he doesn't hate Fernando Torres at all (well, maybe he hates his freckles. Or his muscles and abs and blonde hair. But he hates these things just a little bit.) but he surely hates himself.

"It's all my fault." he moans for something like thousandth time.

Bastian is annoyed. Philipp thinks that he probably wants to leave the miserable twat he is in his flat and then return to Gi...Sarah. Yeah, he could bet that Sarah is a better company.

"It's not like you, Philipp, to moan so much. It's time to move on, seriously. And you hear it from a man who constantly cries because of football. Win or lose. Come on, get your shit together."

"But it was Torres. Fucking Torres. Blond Torres. In his spanish jersey."

"Why does it matter so much? Villa or Torres, who cares. The result is important. And we fucked up."

"You don't understand."

"Hell I don't."

Bastian gives him an angry look (and Philipp starts to wonder if he understands more than he actually shows he does) and theatrically leaves.

Philipp closes his eyes to relive the nightmare Fernando Torres' goal was. It ends by Philipp thinking about how many freckles Spaniard has.

~

Lukas is driving Philipp crazy with constantly calling him "captain". You could think that after playing with him at Bayern he got used to how annoying Poldi actually is, but he didn't.

'Hey, captain!' he hears.

Again.

"Lukas, I told you..."

"Yeah, hi captain.." says Bastian softly.

Philipp looks at him and knows it was a big mistake. Basti is looking at him with a gentle smile spread on his face and Philipp melts instantly.

It makes him angry, this weakness. And seeing Lukas' arm around Bastian's shoulders is making him even angrier.

~

"They think we suck at being captains."

"Particularly me." Philipp adds.

"No, they hate us both."

"Doesn't matter. We'll prove them wrong."

"And what if not?"

Philipp looks at Bastian's worried face. He squeezes younger man's hand.

"I promise you we will, okay? We will win everything we can. And we'll do it together. We'll be legendary, Basti. Best captains ever."

Bastian smiles at him and it's what makes him believe in his own words.

~

They don't prove them wrong. And this loss against Spain is even worse than the one before, because Philipp wasn't able to finish the match.

He feels numb. He doesn't want to see anyone. He doesn't want to talk to anyone.

But when Bastian knocks on his door in the middle of the night, he lets him in.

They don't really talk. They're just breathing the same air sitting on the same bed. Philipp wants to say something. Wants to wash this dull expression off Bastian's face. But he remains silent, because all the words are wrong. Because the right ones are nonexistent in Philipp's consciousness.

After something which seems like hours of silence, Bastian shifts closer. He rests his head on Philipp's shoulder and wraps his arms around Philipp's waist. Philipp loses his breath for a while. And then he starts stroking Bastian's hair.

It's calm like that and they fall asleep hugged. When Philipp wakes, Bastian is gone.

~

And then he gets married. Just after. He doesn't invite anyone from his team to the wedding. His reasoning is that he's the captain and if he invited someone and someone would be left out, it would be wrong. And wedding with so many invited people would look so...final. So inevitable. With only few people he feels in charge.

And he doesn't need to look at Bastian.

~

"So, how's the married life?" asks Bastian, in tone that was meant to be nonchalant.

"Fine, thank you." he answers, suddenly nervous.

Bastian smiles at him, but it's a cold smile. It doesn't reach his eyes. Philipp can't understand why he isn't happy for him.

"Well, maybe I'll get married too."

Or maybe it's not so hard to understand.

~

Bastian misses. He misses. Bastian fucking Schweinsteiger, who got them here. He hides his face in the shirt and Philipp is almost running to him. He guides him back to the line. Holds him still.

And then Drogba scores and Bastian is on his knees. Crying.

He doesn't stop touching him. Comforting him. And Bastian is crying all the time.

Philipp tries to be strong. Tries to be a real captain. He's comforting everyone. He's first to walk the stairs and accept the fact that they're runner ups. That they lost in their home.

~

Mario is comforting Bastian. Everyone is comforting Bastian. And Philipp is afraid.

He's a broken man, again. And he wants to hold his vice captain. He wants to lay in his arms and break into small pieces. And then he wants to disappear.

Bastian lifts his head just once, to look at him.

"We proved them right." it's all he says.

Philipp drives home.

~

But even though he is in the house he owns, he isn't really home.

So he goes back to his car.

~

Bastian opens his door and his eyes are swollen and red. And he never looked more beautiful. They stand and look at each other in silence.

Philipp is terrified, but stands on his tippy toes and kisses Bastian.

Bastian laughs and cries at the same time. And then he's kissing Philipp back. He holds him close and kisses him so deep and desperate, that the kiss leaves them breathless.

Bastian still has tears in his eyes and Philipp is still terrified when they lay naked on the bed.

"Why only miserable situations are bringing you to me?" asks Bastian.

Philipp wants to answer but in that moment one of Bastian's long, covered in lube fingers slides into his hole and he can't breathe again. Every word he has ever known disappears in white light of lust and delight. Every word except 'Bastian', which he screams when he reaches his climax.

~

He wakes up in Bastian's arms and pain in his chest has never been stronger.

So he's running again.

~

"You can't run forever, Fips."

Bastian looks hurt and it's the last thing Philipp needs.

"I'm scared." he whispers.

"Of what?"

"Of..everything. Of being gay. Of being gay footballer."

Bastian sighs and hugs him.

"So don't be gay. Just be mine."

~

After Euro 2012 Philipp is sure that he'll never win anything major like Champions League or Euros or World Cup. And that he'll be known as the worst captain ever.

He's also sure that if he'll have to see Bastian cry after another defeat, he'll jump off the cliff.

"Why are you laughing?" he asks, annoyed.

"Because I have no idea why you're able to comfort everyone in the team and when they're alright, you turn into walking misery."

He throws pillow at Bastian, which he catches without any problem.

"My cute captain," Bastian stands up and goes to him. "C'mere, give me a kiss."

"You're disgusting."

"I love you."

Philipp says nothing to that.

~

2013 is what dreams are made of. They win the league after Basti's goal, assisted by Philipp. And it's not over yet.

~

"Basti..." he says and then Bastian is holding him so tight that he can't breathe. He smells like sweat, like grass, and his cologne. Beer will join to this scent. Soon.

Philipp has never been happier.

Bastian finally lets go.

"You see, we proved them wrong. Just like I promised you."

Bastian grins.

~

They're drunk and chanting "Treblesieger" for a millionth time now. Arjen is wearing a purse on his neck and Franck has passed out.

Bastian holds Philipp close and says that he loves him every two minutes.

Philipp just shakes his head.

~

"Poldi, Poldi, Lukas, Luki." says Philipp imitating Bastian's voice. "And you tell me you love me."

Bastian looks angry.

"He's my friend."

"Yeah, looks like. Even brazilian newspapers are writing about your 'bromance'".

Bastian purses his lips.

"You know, during last few weeks Lukas told me he loved me more times..."

"Bastian." Philipp interrupts.

"You never did, Philipp. You never said you loved me."

~

Loud shriek is filling his ears.

Philipp is shouting even louder than the rest. And he's holding World Cup trophy above his head.

Bastian hugs him when they go back to the pitch. Medals are hanging on their necks.

Philipp wants to kiss Bastian in front of everyone.

He doesn't.

~

Everyone is asleep. Even Thomas behind them is quiet. And Lukas is nowhere in the sight.

Philipp thinks that Bastian is also asleep. He traces lines on his bicep, imagining how the captain's armband will look like on this muscular arm. And then Bastian covers Philipp's tiny hand with his own.

He looks up at his soon-to-be captain. He's so beautiful.

Bastian leans down to kiss him. Philipp tries not to close his eyes; he wants to watch how Basti's eyelids fall shut, how eyelashes touch his cheek, how peaceful and calm he looks when he's kissing him..

Philipp feels like his heart is too big for his chest when sudden feeling of love floods all his senses, and he knows he must say it, because he's not afraid anymore. So he does.

"I love you, Bastian."

Basti's eyes widen and grin appears on his face, but he tries to hide it.

"I know." he answers smugly.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I'm so anxious about my writing, especially in english, I hope it went well!
> 
> I really love writing in present tense. But I probably fucked it up somewhere.  
> If you found some awful mistakes (of any kind) please let me know!


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